Why We’re Moving In With My Parents, & How We’re Making It Work

In the words of words of Hillary Clinton, “It takes a village.” She published those words in a book by the same name in 1996, and they remain true nearly three decades later. Everything is more expensive. The cost of groceries is through the roof. Mortgage payments across the country are skyrocketing. Many people simply so they can afford daycare costs. Life is hard — even with a village. So, hoping it’ll help make things a little easier, we decided to move our village under one roof. Mimi and Pop Pop are our new roomies!

Multigenerational living isn’t uncommon. According to a 2022 study by the Pew Research Center, the percentage of the U.S. population living in multigenerational homes has more than doubled over the past five decades. In March 2021, at the time of the study, 59.7 million U.S. residents lived with multiple generations under one roof. In many global cultures, children, parents, and grandparents are expected to live under one roof or, at the least, on the same property (like a family compound).

Aside from the added health benefits noted when older generations live with younger people, it’s a smart move financially. In fact, 40% of those polled in the Pew Research study cited “financial reasons” for living in a multigenerational household.

For my own family, that was a giant part of it.

In early 2024, we found out our property value had greatly improved. We didn’t think much about it until we learned the new value meant higher taxes. That, in turn, drained our escrow account and would ultimately cause our mortgage payment to double. My partner was working 60-hour work weeks, and I was scrambling to start a whole new career to help pay our bills.

A similar situation was unfolding across town at my parents’ house. Their neighborhood didn’t see quite the jump in value, but their mortgage payment increased by several hundred dollars. My 72-year-old father had to come out of retirement and do DoorDash deliveries to make ends meet.

All this transpired as we shuffled our kindergartener across town and between homes so she could hang with her grandparents when both parents had to work. Inevitably, our daughter would often come home to two tired, grumpy parents or one tired, grumpy Pop Pop.

To put it plainly, it sucked.

What combining households looks like for us

Since our house is larger, on a bigger lot, and more centrally located, it made sense to move my parents here. Combining two households might ease some bills, but strategic room-shifting and expanding into unused space is still necessary. So, what does turning two single-generation households into one multigen household look like? If you’re thinking of doing the same, here are a few things you’ll need to consider.

Making room

A huge piece of the multigenerational move-in puzzle is making sure everyone has the space they need.

Fortunately for all of us, combining houses was made easier in part because my parents are moving from a small house. Plus, we’ve only been in ours for a few years, so not long enough to jam it full of stuff.

Still, we needed to shift room purposes around to accommodate everyone. We’re making the giant home office upstairs into a larger bedroom for my partner and me. We’re also nixing the “playroom” and opting to keep our daughter’s toys in her room. Doing so gives my parents a bedroom and a sitting room. Yay for being able to avoid NCIS marathons at full volume!

Making room also means allowing for the mental and emotional space everyone will need, so we’re also installing extra doors that will muffle noise and give Mimi and Pop Pop some privacy when they don’t feel like playing with their biggest (little) fan.

Figuring out finances

Sometimes, living in a multigenerational household means leaving behind a house payment. Or, as is the case for us, you can split the housing payment. While my parents will “pay rent,” half of our mortgage is still cheaper than their current mortgage payment.

Once that primary money matter is settled, you’ll have to consider any other costs that should be shared and what can remain separate. For example, we “cut the cord” on cable years ago, but my parents are attached — so they’ll bring that expense with them. Utilities like gas/electric and water won’t go up too much with their arrival and shouldn’t add burden to our budget.

Food, though, is a potentially costly shared factor when a household doubles.

In our case, the division of groceries, cooking, and kitchen chores falls under “perk.” Currently, I cook and do the dishes for our family, and while I love cooking, I hate doing the dishes. Not to mention, I tend to cook too much and end up with leftovers that go home with my parents (or food waste). My parents, on the other hand, spend a lot on ordering food. With all of us under one roof, I can cook while shifting the cleanup responsibility to one or both of my parents. And they can drastically slash their out-to-eat budget.

Setting ground rules

Ask anyone who ~happily~ lives in a multigenerational household, and they’ll likely tell you setting ground rules upfront is crucial — especially when young kids are involved.

We’re lucky when it comes to my parents because they’re almost always down for babysitting if health allows (the benefit of being an only child who produced their only granddaughter!). Right off the bat, though, my dad made it clear they weren’t moving in to raise our kid. Moving in and cutting expenses will allow them to take a few bucket list trips they’ve always wanted. And, again, they’re getting older with declining health, so they don’t want to be on the hook to babysit on bad days. Noted. I only asked that they try to compare calendars for trips and appointments.

One particularly practical ground rule that many people might not immediately think to set is decorating. Part of moving my parents in was making a big, necessary purge and agreeing on some design choices. After all, I always want them to feel at home. Having said that, if they try to go modern farmhouse in my craftsman bungalow, I might drive off a bridge. So, I’m no longer painting their sitting room black — we’re finding color choices we can both live with.

Making an escape plan

Living with people is always a trial, and the last thing we would want is for this household consolidation to ruin a shockingly good relationship between grandparents and parents or “in-laws” and partners.

So, we’re going into this with a backup plan in place. My mom has nagged my dad for almost a decade to move into a senior living community. The hitch? The living spaces are tiny, they’re often wildly expensive, and they almost always have a giant waitlist. Moving in with us will allow them to start the downsizing process and see if they can manage in a smaller space. It will also be a comfortable place for them to live while they wait on a years-long waitlist for senior subsidized housing.

Knowing they have an “escape plan” will make it easier to bite tongues and swallow pride during the many times when things aren’t perfect. And if our village-under-one-roof works out swimmingly? They can always pass when their name reaches the top of the waitlist.

Other ways to make multigenerational living work

Know your limits. If personal space is extremely important to you and your home just doesn’t allow for it, you might need to come up with a new plan. Or schedule alone time. Agreeing that everyone (except one or two designated people) is out of the house for a few hours each week allows everyone to have time with their own thoughts.

Focus on the positives. Making the multigenerational house jump can sometimes be jarring, so it helps to center the benefits. One cool advantage for me is that I’ll get my “inheritance” early. The plan has always been that, as an only child, I would get anything left of my parents’ estate after they pass and their house gets sold. Instead, they’ll use the profit from selling the house now to add a much-needed second bath to our home, as well as a ramp for ease of access for my mom.

Keep a household schedule. Similarly, a household calendar is vital if you’re sharing errands, chores, or childcare duties. That way, you know you absolutely cannot attend a child-free Zoom while your mom is at the doctor’s office on Friday at 3 p.m.

Be relentless in mapping out details and divisions. Before you move in together is not the time to be blase about what you’re willing to do or deal with. If you need the trash taken out daily, nail down who’ll do that immediately. If parking is limited, assign parking spots up front or make keys readily available to everyone in the house.

Go in with a “everyone’s home” mentality. If you start with an “I’m moving into my parents’ house” outlook, you’re never going to feel comfortable. Similarly, if your parents see your home as “your home,” they’ll forever feel out of place. Do what you can to make sure everyone has ownership over their space.

Keep the end game in mind. Haven’t lived with your parents since high school and feeling a little nervous? Have a game plan and goals in place. Whether that means “They might leave once they reach the top of the waitlist” or “I’m just here until I can save $25k for a down payment on my own home,” a goal will act as the light at the end of the tunnel. If things are going great, you can always redefine your goals. But when things are going badly (and they will), having an end in sight will make it feel more tangible.

So… is multigenerational living something you’d consider?

This article was originally published on scarymommy.com.