Why every working mother needs a coach

In 2018, I was at the top of my career game. As a senior leader within a large consulting company, I loved the client relationships, the travel, and collaborative late-night working sessions where piles of sugary beverages and snacks surrounded our tired laptops. I loved my teams—the mentorship and bonds made ever deeper during happy hours and shared long working hours. I never imagined a world where my day-to-day experience and motivation at work would change all that much. 

That same year, I was pregnant with my first child. My partner and I were beyond excited! I was fortunate to have great resources in support of my transition to motherhood. I know many new moms feel as though they lack a non-family “village,” so I was incredibly grateful for mine.   

When my son arrived, I still struggled to adjust—breastfeeding was challenging, as were the long, sleepless nights. I added a lactation consultant to the mix of supports, and my childhood best friend (plus Emily Oster) reminded me that there was no shame in feeding my baby formula.

While my transition to mother was well supported and proactively planned, I had thought less about what life might look like after parental leave. 

I naively assumed that I’d pick up right where I left off at work, and things would, for the most part, look the same as before. 

As I prepared to go back to work, the anxiety started to build. I was exhausted and worried about my dwindling milk supply. To top it off, I learned that I would be leading a project for one of our largest accounts and getting on a plane my second week back. 

My head was spinning and I immediately started to feel both resentful and guilty. Resentful that my manager hadn’t paused to ask if this project was something I wanted, and guilty for feeling that way. After all, why should the expectations of me change now that I’m a parent? I worried it would look bad to set boundaries. I had an image to uphold, and I was not going to let motherhood get in the way of it.

My employer of course wanted me to stay engaged—I cast a big leadership shadow and brought in millions of dollars in revenue for the company. Grinding it out was part of the gig: you do as much as you possibly can, maximize your time at work, say “yes” to everything without question and in deference to others… and hope someone notices. And as a woman of color, hard work often felt like the only way to get ahead. It was my armor and only weapon. 

But becoming a mother changed this dynamic dramatically. And I was completely unprepared for it. Maximizing hours to prove my value was no longer feasible. My little one was such a huge part of my world—mentally, emotionally, physically. My transition to working motherhood was confused and directionless… a hazy survival.

That’s when I realized that while there are countless resources for how to become a mom and care for baby, there are far fewer resources on how to become a working mom. There are OB-GYNs and midwives for pregnancy and delivery. If we’re lucky, there are doulas, lactation consultants, family and neighbors for postpartum. Then, when it’s time to go back to work, things sort of fade away. 

Where’s the return-to-work doula, so to speak?

Turns out, there is a lot of data about how this major life transition to “working parent” impacts new mothers and leads to career setbacks. Seventy-five percent of expecting mothers are excited to re-engage with their careers—much like myself—but nearly 43% leave the workforce within a year of having a child. Motherly’s 2023 State of Motherhood survey found that nearly two times more women became SAHMs in 2023 than in 2022. This data brought clarity and validation to the slow-brewing dis-engagement that I was experiencing after returning to a career I once loved.

Around the same time, I reconnected with a friend who recently became a new mother. She had left her senior finance role to become a career and life coach, a concept that was entirely new to me.  She explained how coaching was a powerful way to help individuals take pause, reflect on their values, and use them to guide how to live a more intentional and fulfilling life. I was intrigued.

We started talking about coaching in the context of life transitions, and how becoming a working parent was such a large identity shift that many don’t pause to think about. Everything changes—not only our own values and priorities, but the relationship dynamics with those around us: our own parents, our colleagues, our leaders, our friends. 

I began interviewing friends and colleagues about the challenges of working parenthood, and before too long, developed a coaching program that was tailored to supporting individuals in this phase of life. We named it Josie, after my daughter. And I decided to be our first client.

How a career coach can benefit working moms

Every coaching experience is unique, but these concepts resonated deeply with me:

• Pausing to name your values and priorities in the context of a new identity or big life change is critical protection from burnout. Being clear about what is most important in this season of life removes the pressure and guilt that so often leads to feelings of distress.

• Making space to have someone reflect back on your situation, thoughts and emotions is tremendously powerful in building self-awareness. 

• Role-playing to build communication skills is a valuable exercise. It pushed me out of my comfort zone in how to effectively set boundaries and communicate my needs.

• Self-care enhances productivity, mood and emotional resilience to better navigate difficult times.

• Strengthening my own ability to set boundaries, practice self-compassion, build emotional resilience and live my values made me a better leader, mother, partner and friend. It started with changing the relationship with myself – then spilled over into my relationship with others.

I appreciate that finding and affording a good coach is easier said than done. The good news is that employers are starting to recognize how powerful coaching can be, especially for their top talent and rising stars (turns out, oftentimes those are working moms!)  Programs are made available or subsidized as part of the benefits lineup or learning and development initiatives. If you’re looking for support, start by asking your HR partner what resources are offered.

3 tips on advocating for a career coach with your employer

If there aren’t any resources currently offered at your workplace, here are some practical ways to advocate for career coaching with your employer:

1. Share the data. Use the figures above and note that 43% of working parents have said return-to-work coaching can help them more effectively re-engage with their careers.
2. Share the ROI. If 43% of women are considering leaving their careers and you can prevent just one from leaving, that can net a cost avoidance of 1.5 – 2X salary.
3. Refer them to Josie.  Our program is curated and integrated, with mental health coaching, career coaching, and transition coaching wrapped into a 7-week program for maximum impact.  The program isn’t limited to employers however, so anyone can consider learning more about how we can support you.

We all can use a little help and support from someone who can objectively reflect on the rollercoaster experience that is working parenthood. To remind us that putting ourselves first is not only OK but necessary to maximizing our ability to support both ourselves and others; to help us more effectively communicate our needs; to re-discover the joy and motivation we once had in our identities as professionals, while defining more clearly who we want to be as mothers.

And to know we are not alone. 

I have always, stubbornly, thought I can do things myself. After all, I come from a long generation of hardworking Taiwanese women. It’s who we are, it’s what defines us. But at some point, you realize you can only go so far alone. The best teams have coaches. Why shouldn’t we?

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