It may seem like the terms “peaceful parenting” and “strong-willed child” don’t mesh well together, but it really is possible to unite the two. In this viral TikTok, one mom describes her own strong-willed daughter, and how she made it through toddlerhood into a peaceful childhood/parenthood experience—and it’s an amazing reminder for girl moms everywhere.
Hannah, a mom and embroidery instructor, shared a tale as old as time: a strong-willed daughter equals an exhausted mama.
“This isn’t going to be a post of me bashing my daughter, but she was extremely difficult,” Hannah prefaces her story.
“Between the ages of like one and a half to four, where anytime we went anywhere, it was meltdowns, temper tantrums at home, kicking, screaming, ‘I hate you, you’re stupid.’ Just horrific behavior that I felt like was a reflection on me.”
@sherwoodforestcreations Strong willed toddlers can take you to the brink but they can also become the most amazing little humans
#strongwilleddaughters #femaleleaders #raisinggirls
As a mother of two girls (one of them being a strong-willed toddler), I can attest to the fact that I used to operate under the assumption that every single thing they did was a direct reflection of myself and my style of parenting. And while it’s undeniably true that our kids mirror and display the things they’re taught, sometimes we need to remove ourselves from the equation. Because it’s not always about centering ourselves and our perceived “failures.” Sometimes kids are just going to be who they are! They’re their own people independent of us as much as they are a product of us.
Related: 12 tips for peacefully parenting your strong-willed child
And like many of us, it took Hannah a long time to realize that so she tried just about everything.
“I tried reading all of the different psychology books, all of the books on like difficult children and everything,” she continued.
But going down that rabbit hole of self-blame and wondering how to “fix” your child can lead to a disastrous outcome—for both of you—after a while.
“I did not want to break her spirit because I knew that being strong-willed would be so beneficial to her as a woman. We do not need any more broken girls,” she said.
Whew. Take that in for a minute, because it’s a big statement: “We do not need any more broken girls.” She’s so right. We absolutely don’t. And these stubborn, strong-willed children may test our patience and have us questioning everything we thought we knew about ourselves, but like all things—it’s temporary.
Related: How my strong-willed child is changing me—for the better
“My daughter is six now and she just had her kindergarten parent-teacher conferences. And do you know what the first thing that came out of her teacher’s mouth was? ‘Your daughter is a joy. She is kind. She is clever. She is smart. She is witty, and she is a leader,” she said with tears in her eyes. “And I could not be more proud.”
Personally, I can already see a vast difference between my daughter at age two and my daughter at age three. Our communication is better because she’s able to comprehend more than before, and she’s able to tell me how she feels and why she feels that way. She’s developing her own little personality, and it’s delightful to witness. Her tantrums don’t last as long, because she’s learning her own coping skills (with mom and dad ready to help her find them, too).
Her steadfast refusal to do certain things (eat the exact meal she asked for just two seconds ago, accept that we need to wash her hair for hygienic reasons, and not run away from us when out in public) may take some time to adjust, but until then I try to remind myself that this too shall pass—and the evidence is already emerging. Her older sister is seven and is a testament to Hannah’s story, too.
“Strong-willed toddlers make strong-willed girls make strong-willed women make strong-willed female leaders,” she concluded in her video.
Yes, yes they do. And thank goodness for that.