Sex therapist shares one rule she and her husband have for intimacy in viral TikTok

When it comes to intimacy, do you schedule time with your partner or do you find yourself back to square one, trying to find ways to reclaim your intimacy? There’s no hard and fast rule for spicing up your sex life, that is, until now.

A sex therapist is going viral on TikTok because of the one intimacy rule she and her husband follow on a nightly basis.

Vanessa Marin introduces herself as a, “licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex.” She’s runs the account @vanessaandxander on TikTok along with her husband, Xander Marin.

“Here’s how it usually goes in long-term relationships,” Vanessa begins. “When you first start dating each other, it’s like you can’t keep your hands off each other, right? You’re always touching, always kissing.”

“But the pattern for most people is that once they get into a long-term relationship, they really stop touching and kissing so much, and eventually it gets to the point where the only time that you’re like really kissing each other is when you’re trying to initiate sex.”

Sometimes you’re not in the mood and if you associate your partner’s touching and kissing with sex then the next time they make contact you might find yourself cringing away. Well, Vanessa has a term for this. She calls it the “bristle reaction.”

“What happens for a lot of people, especially if you’re the lower sex drive partner, is that you start becoming avoidant of any sort of touch or kissing,” she explains. “This can even lead to what I call the bristle reaction, which is when you become so hyper vigilant to your partner’s touch or kisses that you actually can feel yourself bristle.”

Her solution? Nightly make out sessions.

“So the intent behind our nightly make out sessions is to actually break the connection between making out and sex,” she says.

“We wanted to give ourselves lots of experiences when we were making out and it wasn’t leading to sex,” she shares. “So our rule is that we have to make out every single night and there has to be some tongue contact.”

If you’re exhausted after a long day of toddler tantrums and finding the sweet spot in work-life balance then you might not have it it in you to play tongue wars with your partner. But your nightly make out session doesn’t have to take up a lot of time or energy, she says.

“This nightly routine has taken the pressure off of us to have to have sex if we start making out and it’s really allowed us to enjoy making out just for the sake of making out,” she ends.

This sex therapist’s viral TikTok video has been seen over 4 million times. Judging by the comments section, there are so many people who feel seen.

“Literally been feeling this “bristle reaction” I thought was the “ick” so nice to know so many women have this”

“This is so lovely and smart!”

“Yess. 5 years in my relationship and Everything you said is so true! I’m going to try this w/ my partner. Thank you! ”

Vanessa Marin also included a follow-up video where she explains more about the bristle reaction.

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