Families can get crazy when there’s a pregnancy involved, and even crazier once the baby is born. And I’m not even just talking about the parents of the unborn child. Relatives come out of the woodwork (or don’t care at all) and you find yourself having to have uncomfortable conversations about boundaries, expectations, and child-rearing you never thought you’d have to have. Some new parents who are already anxious enough about having a baby become even more anxious when they feel like their wishes aren’t being met.
It’s so hard to get family to listen to you sometimes, especially when it comes to their grandchild/niece/nephew, so some parents may be pushed to take their requests too far. Parents may even decide they have to go all out and lay out all of the boundaries and expectations in an organized and easily digestible way, like this TikTok mom who created a powerpoint presentation streamlining how things would look for family and friends once her baby was born.
While I opted for a short email (because I hate confrontation—and I STILL got pushback), this mom presented this slideshow to the entire family before their child was born.
“Oftentimes people overlook the importance of protecting a newborn because they have ‘survivorship bias,’” mom began in her caption. “Something we heard time and time again throughout my pregnancy was, ‘well, we did it this way and my kid turned out okay.’”
“At one point I started saying, ‘I am not looking for any advice or suggestions,’” she continued.
“Those who did not respect our boundaries were not welcome around us and our baby. Trust me, we had plenty of people who protested,’” mom said.
“In the end, those who respect you and your wishes will be on board with your plan, and if they don’t like it? Too bad,” she concluded in her caption.
While many folks dragged this mom in the comments on the video, calling her a “freak” and “insane,” asking her if she had been evaluated for PPA, and also said, “tell me you’re a first-time mom without telling me you’re a first-time mom,” a healthcare worker commented that all of her requests in the slideshow were so valid and “not insane at all.”
Some of the expectations laid out in the slideshow asked people to not kiss their baby anywhere, talked about proper handwashing, not coming to visit if you’re sick, ensuring everyone is up to date on their vaccinations, and not expecting them to come to family gatherings or events until their child is 4 months old.
She also included that she didn’t want their baby to be left alone with anyone else, asked friends and family to refrain from using flash when taking pictures, and told them no perfumes or scented lotions while holding the baby.
Other requirements included not shaking the baby, staying seated while holding the baby, not passing the baby to other people while holding him and always giving him back to mom and dad first, and stepping out of the room for mom to breastfeed.
At the end of the slideshow mom said they stuck to this plan when they used it for their first child. “Some people weren’t happy, but the ones who respect you and your boundaries will follow your rules.”
“Don’t be afraid to advocate for your baby’s health and your family’s happiness. Do what feels right for you and your family. This is what worked best for us.” she concluded.