— irefusetorot / TikTok
The first few weeks and months of postpartum life can be overwhelming. The adjustment is probably one of the biggest learning curves life can throw at you.
New parents have to navigate a new life as well as try to recover physically, and then there’s the stressor of friends and family who might be well-meaning but still induce anxiety.
Clear communication of your wishes — who gets to visit, when for how long, and under what circumstances — is key, but one mom on TikTok (@IRefuseToRot), might have taken this to a new level by sharing a PowerPoint presentation with friends and family.
“We presented this to our entire family before our baby was born,” she wrote as a caption.
“Often times people overlook the importance of protecting a new baby because they have survivorship bias. Something we heard time and time again throughout my pregnancy was ‘Well we did it this way and my kids turned out okay.’ At one point I started saying ‘I am not looking for any advice or suggestions.’ Those who did not respect our boundaries were not welcome around us and our baby. Trust me, we had plenty of people protest. In the end, those who respect you and your wishes will be on board with your plan. If they don’t like it, too bad.”
Most of these rules seemed pretty reasonable — hand washing, vaccinations, masking, and a clean bill of health were must before visiting.
— irefusetorot / TikTok
The OP also let people know they wouldn’t be receiving visitors at home for the first eight weeks and wouldn’t be attending family events, including holidays, until after her child had four months of vaccinations.
Other rules were a bit more specific, including no kissing the baby “anywhere,” no standing while holding the baby and no passing the baby person to person — “mommy or daddy” were required intermediaries. They also stipulated that the baby would not be out of sight from either parent and that no flash photography would be allowed.
The video quickly gained traction with some supportive comments as well as some who thought the PowerPoint was in completely poor taste.
— irefusetorot / TikTok
“People will do stuff like this and then scream about not having a village,” wrote one TikTok user.
“As a healthcare worker, all of this is so valid. This is not insane at all,” another commented.
“I think it’s awesome that you’re setting such clear boundaries!!!!! Nothing scarier than a sick newborn!” another wrote.
In response to another comment, the OP told one commenter that it was prior experience with her family’s lack of boundaries that prompted her to make the highly detailed list in the first place.
More still took issue not so much with the message but the way she went about communicating the information.
“It’s not what you say,” replied a commenter, “it’s how you say it…”
Guess all’s well that ends well, the baby is now much older, and everybody got on board with the rules that were important to her and her partner.
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