My children know no fear, and love nothing more than casting spells and playing dead. I’ve made peace with “Janie” (my eldest’s ghost friend), regularly answer questions about mortality first thing in the morning, and prominently display a drawing of “Goth Barbie,” but we’ve also gotten into some pickles. For instance the time my son asked his first grade teacher if they could read Stephen King’s The Shining, then wiggled his finger and croaked “REDRUM” (That one’s on me for telling him an abridged version for a bedtime story when I was out of ideas). Then there was the time my new neighbor called with her kids sobbing because my daughter told them all an elaborate story about how their crawl space was filled with ghosts.
There’s evidence that it’s good for kids to experiment with terror, but some parents wonder if their kid’s interest in the grotesque is something they should worry about. Should we encourage the ghost stories, or reel them in? Or maybe tell our kids to consider their audience? It can be difficult to find the balance between letting kids build resilience and imagination and them realizing when not everyone is having fun.
While it is worth investigating any concerns you might have about your kid, “creepy interests” can be a sign of intelligence and out-of-the-box thinking, assures Julie F. Skolnick, M.A., J.D., author of Gifted and Distractible and founder of With Understanding Comes Calm. Skolnick is an expert in “twice exceptional” kids, those who are gifted and who also have another diagnosis, such as ADHD. When you look at the ADHD brain, the impulsivity and adrenaline seeking can lead a kid toward the macabre. She also said kids who have creepy interests have a “rage to learn” and there is “the brain’s desire to really learn interesting things, not the boring things everyone else learns.” Kids, especially ones who think differently because of neurodivergence, want to know “how things work and why,” which can lead them to interests in things like Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, medicine, the paranormal, or death.
Skolnick said to “lean into their passions when appropriate.” If your spooky child has an easily-scared sibling, for instance, then spooky stuff might not be the family dinner conversation, but Skolnick advises setting aside a time when your spooky kid can talk about their interest. She recommends gently saying something like, “I am so interested in having this conversation with you and you are so invested in learning these things, but you know what? Not everybody’s going to be interested and it might make some people squeamish, so let’s have our special time when we talk about it.” Skolnick notes that this will only work if you follow through with your kid, and let them talk until they are satisfied.
Which is one reason among many that you help your kid find their people. In speaking with my friends who also have kids with morbid interests, they reminded me that the best thing for a creepy kid is creepy friends. When my eldest was told to draw wings for a Girl Scouts activity and all the other kids drew angel wings, they drew “demon wings” (we’d just watched and read Good Omens). I clocked the Girl Scout leader’s negative reaction and put them in a drama class instead. They are now writing and performing a murder mystery play — and came out of the first class beaming and gushing about the experience.
The best thing for a creepy kid is creepy friends.
While you want to discourage your kids from masking their true selves just so people like them, you can encourage them to have empathy for others’ comfort levels. Meg St-Esprit, a writer and parent to a “creepy-things obsessed” child, said that while most people are supportive, “We definitely try to check in with the parents of friends that may come over, as we know not all kiddos are into such interests.”
Grace, mom to an 8 and 11-year-old, didn’t want to censor her kids’ interests in wearing ghoulish masks in the wake of their father’s death. “They’ve seen some scary stuff and I think I’ve encouraged their interest in it, since I feel like it’s so understandable,” she told me. However she has, say, stopped her eldest from wearing a scary mask on a random trip to the grocery store. “I told him it’s one thing to wear something scary in context, but it’s really not fair to surprise people with it when they’re just trying to go grocery shopping.” Excellent point.
In my case, when the neighbors moved last October, my eldest wanted to write them a letter. Fortunately I proof-read it because it said, “Welcome to your NEW haunted house!” with a drawing of ghosts. We had a discussion about how scared the girls had been about their last house and how, even though we think haunted houses are fun, they do not, so it’s not the best message for them at this time.
My terrifying children are so much fun. When I had to pick them up early from school because their un-air-conditioned school was too hot (American public schools are doing great), I got to surprise them by taking them to Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. We’ve just adorned our front door with a wreath of venus flytraps because of our love of Little Shop of Horrors. I love their creative minds, scary stories, and pretend adventures. While we may need to keep working on finding the happy medium when it comes to expression, I’m thrilled that my particular kids are on the spooky end of the spectrum.
Laura Wheatman Hill (she/her) lives in Oregon with her two children. She has a masters of arts in teaching and has taught English, writing, and drama to students of all ages. She has been published by Daily Beast, Slate, CNN, Real Simple, Parents, and others. You can find her at laurawheatmanhill.com, onTwitter @Lwheatma, and on Instagram @LauraWheatmanHill
This article was originally published on scarymommy.com.