Navigating the world of therapy for your teen or tween can feel like a big, intimidating task. You might wonder: Where do I even begin? Will my teen open up to a complete stranger? How do I know I can trust this person with my kid? The pressure to find the “perfect fit” can be overwhelming, especially when you’re trying to support your child through a challenging time. But here’s a secret: finding a therapist is a lot less like making a lifelong commitment and more like finding the perfect pair of shoes — you need to shop around, try them on, break them in, and see how they really fit!
Research consistently shows that the bond between a therapist and a teen is crucial for treatment success. A 2023 study in the Systematic Review of Adolescent Therapeutic Alliance in Mental Health Interventions revealed that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is a primary factor in improving mental health outcomes for teens, whether in school-based or outpatient settings. The study found that techniques like motivational interviewing and active listening were especially effective in building rapport and enhancing treatment success.
So, whether you’re navigating this process for the first time or you’re simply switching providers, take a deep breath, and let’s break down how to find a therapist who not only fits but also helps your teen thrive.
Finding a Therapist For Your Teen
What Are You Looking For? The first step is to identify what your teen needs support with. Do they need help managing anxiety, boosting self-esteem, or maybe coping with big changes like divorce, bullying, or even navigating friendships? Look for therapists who specialize in working with teens or tweens and have experience addressing the specific issues your child is facing.
Tip: Check out therapists’ bios on their websites, organization directories, or through referral from your current pediatric providers, to get a sense of their background, training, and approach. If you find terms like “CBT for anxiety and mood disorders,” “family systems therapy,” “family dynamics”, “conduct and behavior specialties,” or “trauma-informed care,” it’s a good sign that they’re serious about treating specific issues.
Shop Around: Don’t feel pressured to commit to the first therapist you meet. Yes, you can shop for your therapist! It’s perfectly okay to “try on” a few before settling on the right one. Be completely honest and respectful towards your clinician and explain the process you are in with your child. A true family-trained provider will understand that it is crucial for the kid to feel connected in order to embrace a therapeutic approach.
Tip: Ask for an introduction video call before committing. This initial chat can be super helpful, especially if your teen is feeling nervous or unsure about meeting a new therapist. It’s a casual way for them to get a sense of who the therapist is and how they communicate, which can ease some of those first-meeting jitters. If you’re unsure, you can start with a quick parent-to-therapist conversation to make sure their approach aligns with your family’s values and goals before introducing them to your teen. Remember, this process is all about finding the right fit for everyone involved!
Check for Credentials and Specializations: Ensure the therapist is licensed and trained specifically to work with teens and tweens. Look for credentials such as LCSW, LMHC, LPC, LMFT, or other recognized qualifications. If your child has unique needs (like ADHD, autism, or learning differences), finding a therapist who specializes in those areas can enhance treatment effectiveness.
A Family-Centered Approach is Key: Teens need their own safe space to talk freely without other family members in the room. But a therapist who has a family-centered approach will view the family as part of the therapeutic process, and will engage parents in ways that are supportive, respectful, and open. While the therapist will maintain complete confidentiality about what your teen shares in private sessions, they should also be willing to communicate with you about general progress and areas where you can be helpful.
For example: You might hear things like, “I think your teen could use some more downtime at home,” or “Let’s try to find more one-on-one bonding time.” This kind of feedback is a sign the therapist is committed to the whole family’s wellness and understands that improving the environment the child is part of is as important as exploring the symptoms they are experiencing.
Inclusivity and Cultural Competence: If your family has a specific cultural or religious background, language preference, or unique values, seek out a therapist who understands and respects these aspects. You’re looking for an ally, not just a provider. A culturally competent and inclusive therapist will be open to exploring how culture, religion, language, sexual orientation, and values shape your teen’s experiences, offering a safe space to address both personal and cultural challenges.
Tip: When interviewing potential therapists, don’t be afraid to ask questions like, “How do you incorporate cultural or religious backgrounds into your therapy?” or “Have you worked with families from similar backgrounds before?” This ensures that your teen is working with someone who sees and celebrates their whole identity, creating a truly supportive environment.
Empower Your Teen in the Process: Involving your teen from the start is one of the most powerful ways to ensure a positive therapy experience. Encourage them to participate in selecting potential therapists by reviewing profiles and discussing what therapy styles resonate with them. As therapy progresses, give your teen space to share feedback — do they feel comfortable and understood? Are their goals being addressed? Discussing and setting these goals together not only personalizes the process but also teaches important self-advocacy and self-awareness skills.
Reminder: Your role here is to support rather than control. Being in therapy is their journey. While it’s natural to want to guide this process, your teen needs room to express their needs, boost a sense of agency and confidence, and reinforce that their voice matters.
When Is a Therapist the Right Fit for Your Teen?
You’ll know you’ve found a good fit when your teen seems more relaxed, open, or engaged.They show interest in attending sessions and they start sharing small snippets of their progress, like “The therapist gave me this breathing exercise, and it actually helped. “It’s okay if it takes a few sessions to see these signs—trust is built over time, especially with teens!
How Do You Know It’s Not the Right Fit?
If it feels like a struggle for your child to open up after several sessions, or if their discomfort with the therapist isn’t improving over time, it may not be the right fit. Notice if your teen frequently dreads sessions, becomes more withdrawn afterward, or shares that they feel misunderstood. Also, look for signs like worsening behavior issues at home or school, or a growing sense of hopelessness. Trust your instincts, and theirs—therapy should be a safe space where they feel heard and supported, not one that adds stress or anxiety.
What to Do If Therapy Isn’t Working Out For Your Teen
Sometimes, even after trying, it’s clear the match isn’t right. Maybe your teen doesn’t feel connected, or the therapist’s approach just doesn’t seem to be clicking. That’s totally okay! Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all.
If you don’t notice progress, start by having an honest chat with your teen—ask how they’re feeling about the sessions. Sometimes, a small tweak in the approach or even a different type of therapy can make all the difference. Don’t hesitate to loop in the therapist too; they might offer helpful suggestions or even refer you to another professional who’s a better match.
Above all, don’t let bumps in the road get you down! Keep searching until you find the therapist who truly “clicks” with your teen. It might take a bit of time, but the effort will be worth it. Your family deserves a compassionate therapist who sees you as part of the solution. So, lace up, be patient, and remember: your teen’s mental wellness is always worth the journey!
Welcome to Family Reset, a monthly column and must-go destination for all parents seeking guidance (and grasping for some sanity) in the wild adventure of raising children. Behind this compelling and candid read is New York psychotherapist, writer, editor, and “mommyyy” Zuania Capó, (or just call her Z), a compassionate, multicultural, and integrative therapist passionate about supporting families to thrive and connect. Armed with a touch of wisdom, insightful tips, a witty spirit, tons of honesty, and a sprinkle of humor, she is here to help you navigate the complexities of parenthood while prioritizing your well-being.
Family Reset is not just a source of advice; it’s a vibrant community where parents can find inspiration, share their stories, and realize they are not alone in the exhilarating roller coaster ride of parenting. Have questions? Want answers? Get ready to hit that reset button and connect with Z at zcmentalhealth@zuaniacapo.com.
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This article was originally published on sheknows.com.