Being a new mom is hard enough—so let’s stop giving Rebel Wilson grief for leaving the house

Mom shaming has to stop. Flat out. It’s exhausting. And the worst part about it is that it usually comes from other moms. Actress Rebel Wilson recently welcomed and announced the birth of her daughter via surrogate. She displayed a heartfelt Instagram post mentioning, “I am learning quickly… much respect to all the Mums out there! Proud to be in your club. ”

And yet, in just the matter of one week, it seems like many moms have disowned her from that exact club. Fans have switched from gushing over Rebel’s heartwarming news and expressing happiness for her to being full-fledged mom-shamers after she posted a photo and video of her dancing at Paris Hilton’s launch Party.

Related: Rebel Wilson opens up about infertility after freezing her eggs last year

The amount of users that backlashed Rebel for her decision was extremely disheartening.

“I think she my regret this post in a few weeks/months time. She can do whatever she wants, as can any mum, but it does seem a little odd that a week after a baby that she longed for so long arrives she’s out partying. Even if it was for an hour or so, it still seems a bit strange.“

“I wonder if the surrogate is out partying yet? I’m sure she is at home healing and waiting for milk to stop coming through.“

“Wow I was a fan but… EVERY new mother with a newborn would not ever ever go out 1 week after giving birth.” 

“Pretty sad that you already ditched your newborn, what was the point of having a baby. If a nanny is just going to raise it.“

Wow. Mom shaming at its finest, right? We can’t make this up.

Being a new mom is hard as is—yet there seems to be no way to please the masses when it comes to the decisions mothers make for themselves and their families.

Related: 12 times celebrates were mom-shamed for ridiculous reasons

Everyday, we hear so many mothers share that they feel consumed by motherhood. Or that they’re struggling with identity loss. We hear so many mothers plea for more help. Or simply for a break to get in some well-needed self-care so that they can give the best of themselves to their kids. Yet, when one mom—like Rebel Wilson—has the ability to go out and enjoy herself, we criticize her for not being glued to her newborn 24/7?!

I remember the woes of the newborn stage, being under a fog that never seemed to lift. I wish I had the opportunity to get out and have a few hours to myself. Not because I didn’t love my baby, but because perhaps it would have helped me not lose myself in the midst of motherhood. Furthermore, my husband left the house left and right after our child was born—and no one dared to question him why he wasn’t with his kid.

So why do we question moms? And honestly, who are we to judge?

It’s exhausting, this endless cycle of mom shaming and criticizing and judging that mothers have to endure day in and day out.

Rebel Wilson isn’t amongst the first of celebrities to experience the dark, looming cloud of mom shaming.

Olivia Wilde recently spoke out about it, sharing, “When people see me not with my kids, it’s always ‘How dare she?’”

“I do wish, for the betterment of society in general, that we would all disengage from a cycle of bullying and hatred. We’ve just lost empathy, and we just don’t give people the benefit of the doubt—specifically women. We just assume the worst from women, and I don’t know why.”

And Megan Fox recently clapped back at a mom shammer who asked her were her kids were at when she posted a selfie on Instagram. “Wait wait wait, I … have kids?!? Oh my god I knew I forgot something!!”

While celebrities being mom shamed goes to show that no one is exempt, I think it also continues to solidify the fact that moms just can’t catch a break.

Mothers suffer under the weight of motherhood and get told that they should ask for help. Moms ask for help and get told that they should know how to do it on their own. Moms try to do it on their own and then break—and all of a sudden it’s completely their fault.

It’s exhausting, this endless cycle of mom shaming and criticizing and judging that mothers have to endure day in and day out.

Related: Toxic online mom culture is so draining

And on another note—the things that other moms do, like Rebel Wilson, is simply just none of our business. If the child is not being endangered, if there is no question of safety, then why do we insert ourselves into the decisions that other mamas make for themselves and for their families?

What works for one may not work for another—but when will we learn that’s perfectly OK? With all the challenges that accompany becoming a new mom, I think the most we should do is just support each other—differences and all. And instead of mom shaming, we should just not jump to conclusions about why a mother has made a certain decision.

While so many people bashed Rebel, some commenters did come to her defense:

“Omg people seriously stop! Just because she goes out one night without her baby doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be a mom. I’m sure the baby is home with someone she trusts. Moms are allowed to get out and have fun without feeling guilty every now and then and part of her living is making appearances. Get over yourselves and move on.“

“There are PLENTY of women who go out, without their baby, early on in parenthood. Sure, not everyone can or even wants to, but there are many who do. Why do people have to make such a big deal about it? Life doesn’t end when you have children. You don’t know all the ins and outs of their lives so maybe just move on with your own instead of judging theirs.“

And we couldn’t agree more.

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