Are You A “Present But Unpleasant” Mom?

I am very guilty of being a “present but unpleasant” mom. Sometimes I am mentally drained, burnt out, exhausted, and there’s still so much left to do. One more request, one more mess, one more anything will just send me into a rage spiral, and unfortunately, I will begin to yell.

I can be grumpy. I can be touchy. And after I lose my cool, I always feel like sh*t. I always repair my mistakes with family after lashing out, but I still wish I didn’t even have to do that in the first place. Alas, I am human.

One mom has some advice for moms like me who might be around a lot but not in the best of moods when they are around.

“If you’re feeling mentally drained as a mom, I want to say this as a way to inspire you to start taking care of yourself. There is such a thing as you being present, but being very unpleasant. And the goal as a mother and a wife is that we want to be here, we want to be present, but we also want to be pleasant to be around because otherwise, it’s like, girl, go somewhere and take care of yourself,” TikTok user Michon says in her video.

“So, if you’re mentally drained, if you’re exhausted, and you’re meeting your family with that energy, and I’m not blaming you in any way, I’m just pointing this out and saying that you need to take advantage of the resources that you have and you need to seek help and get the things that you need so that you’re properly aligned and showing up appropriately for your family.”

She goes on to say that, as moms, we are kind of in charge of the vibes of the house. While, yes, this is a lot of pressure, we need to make sure that our kids are not walking on eggshells around us because, at the end of the day, we are in control of our own emotions.

“But just because mom is here and she’s home and she’s with us, doesn’t mean that we’re all having a good time because if mom is in a terrible mood, if mom is shouting at everybody, mom’s fussy, mom’s grumpy because the dishes aren’t done. Mom’s feeling overwhelmed, she’s going to make everybody in the house feel uncomfortable. She’s going to make everybody in the house feel like they have to walk on eggshells. And there is such a thing as being around and being there but not being a very pleasant person,” she explained before giving another example of how this kind of dynamic can work in a family unit.

“This happens with abusive narcissistic fathers. If you’re in the home, yeah, you’re here, but you’re making the home unwell. You’re making the home so tense with all of this terrible energy because everybody’s walking on eggshells not wanting to upset you. It’s the same thing as a grumpy mom. It’s the same thing as a mom who’s worn out and has not had the ability to take time for herself. You have to find some ways to take time for yourself. You can’t make excuses all the time. I know it’s hard. I know that the time doesn’t always allow it. I know we don’t always have the communities that we need to be able to exercise getting the help that we need but we still have to prioritize it. And we still have to find healthy outlets.”

She goes on to note that while this kind of control and patience can be difficult, we need to try our damndest because when we’re present and pleasant, the whole family will win.

“And it is hard, y’all. You’re going to have hard days. These children going to drive you up the wall. Your husband might drive you up the wall sometimes. But we still have to exercise restraint and we still have to find appropriate outlets so that we’re being able to get these things out, get our emotions out, get our expressions out. Have time to yourself. Talk to the Lord. Like, we have to prioritize these things so that we can show up as the best version of ourselves in all of our relationships,” Michon continued.

“So I’m not sure what it looks like for you. Get the help that you need. Talk to whoever it is in your family about helping you out with these things. If you have a husband, talk to your husband about these things in a respectful way because he wants to help you. So he’s going to help you to solve that problem. But yeah, do your best.”

This fix will be easier for some than others, right? Some of us don’t have partners or the resources to “get away” and take that time to recharge. And several noted this in the comments on Michon’s video as well as shared how relatable her video was.

“I just need a month to sleep and be alone,” one user joked.

“This is so relatable 😂 my husband started giving me mommy weekends and they aren’t super frequent but I LOVE them,” the OP replied.

“The yelling for me 🥺😩 I need to stop yelling I feel like a bad mom sometimes. I feel mentally drained. great advice! Thank you 🙏🏼,” another wrote.

“So normal. We usually keep everything in and don’t prioritize taking time for ourselves so it’s really a natural response. Don’t feel bad. Just try to be aware that you do need to have time to yourself,” Michon responded.

This article was originally published on scarymommy.com.