Mothers-in-law are notorious for making women feel, well, bad. You hear horror stories all the time: spend three minutes trying to swaddle a baby, and your mother-in-law will make sure to let you know she can do it in just two minutes. Think the Boudreaux’s Butt Paste you got on sale at Target is fine for your baby? Nope, your mother-in-law wants you to know that only the Desitin brand she’s been using since the 1970s is good enough for her. Was your labor 10 hours long? Your mother-in-law wants you to know hers was only nine and a half hours and medication-free.
And then there are the delivery room stories. How many tales have you read online of absolutely delulu mothers-in-law trying to force their way into a space they aren’t welcome, as though they’ll die if they can’t see their grandchild crowning? Never mind that it’ll make the environment tense not just for mom, but also for dad, baby, nurses, doctors, anesthesiologists, and the janitor down the hall who’s just trying to do their job.
Yeah, this is real for some people unfortunately. But I’m delighted to say that’s not my mother-in-law — at all. I understand that for most women when it comes to who they want in the delivery room with them it would probably be just about anyone else, but for me she was my first choice. I know I’m probably in the minority here, but she was the woman who I knew I would be the most comfortable around during labor. I knew she would look out for me and have my back completely.
I was only allowed one other person with me in the delivery room other than my husband, because of Covid. Although I was open to having an epidural, I still wanted my birth experience to be as intervention-free as possible, and I couldn’t afford a doula. My mother, though she was trying to be helpful, had C-sections, and was encouraging in that approach. My mother-in-law had a vaginal delivery when she gave birth to my husband, and I knew that she would be there for me and support my decisions no matter what. I knew she would keep me calm and be my advocate.
My mother-in-law is a special person because she is this rare blend of thoughtful and helpful, but also easygoing and fun to be around. She’s the type of person that’s hard to come by and the type of person you would want not just as a mother-in-law, but also as a friend. She is easygoing and fun to be around while still being dependable. She seems to always know exactly what to say and when to say it and she’s just easy to love.
When I first started dating my husband, she made me feel like a part of her family. When we were planning our wedding, she listened to my vision and worked hard to make sure that I got what I wanted. I knew my childbirth experience would be no different. I knew she would be there.
And she was. She held my hand, kept me calm and focused, and traded out with my husband to run errands around the hospital so that I was never alone. I don’t regret my decision at all, and I knew I wouldn’t. What I didn’t expect was how much our relationship has grown closer since then. Of course, we are naturally going to be a little closer after her having seen me birth two eight-to-nine pound babies. But it’s so much more than that.
My mother-in-law quickly became my person I know I can go to no matter what — for advice, for a listening ear, and for just about anything else. She has been a stable person in my life, my husband’s life, and my kids’ lives, and I am so grateful for her.
When my mother-in-law is around, my kids are spoiled. But not the oh-I-really-wish-you-wouldn’t-feed-my-kid-that kind of spoiled, but the kind of spoiled you feel when you’re around someone who makes you feel like you are the most important person in the world in their company.
And I understand this feeling, because this is exactly the same way my mother-in-law makes me feel too. And I don’t know what we would do without her.
Madison is a teacher, a firefighter wife, and a mom of two young boys. An INFJ, she is obsessed with Myers-Briggs and probably wants to know your type, although she might be too awkward to ask. When Madison isn’t working, writing for Scary Mommy, or taking care of her boys, you can find her traveling, reading, and trying out new recipes.
This article was originally published on scarymommy.com.