If you’ve ever experienced an “almond mom,” you already know the horrors. Personally, my mom taught me how to measure salad dressing with a teaspoon (not a tablespoon, a teaspoon) when I was in third grade. So I’m going to go ahead and warn you that if you’re still triggered by moms acting a fool like this, you may not want to watch this video.
Because Rei, a mom on TikTok, may have the Queen of the almond moms. Rei just gave birth, four whole months ago. And while her body is still recovering from, you know, creating and then yeeting out an entire new human, her mom decided to not-so-subtly hint that it’s time to start addressing the things that she perceives to be wrong with her daughter’s body, because in a now-viral TikTok video, Rei shared the gifts her almond mom gave her during a visit.
@rei.dec Children of almond moms support group president
“In case you were wondering what it’s like to have an almond mom, I will tell you,” she says in the video, where her face has that look we all know so well, because it’s the one we get when our own almond moms pull this sh*t. “I am four months postpartum, my parents visited me this weekend, this is what my mom brought me as a gift.”
Rei then reaches off camera to grab the brand new digital scale her mom gifted her, which was actually pretty predictable. We all saw that one coming a mile away. But hold onto your hats, because it gets worse.
“Wait for it,” she says. “And, an entire folder of these.”
She grabs one of the papers and holds it up to the camera to show a worksheet called “Charting My Progress,” with spaces to fill in the date, your weight, and all your body measurements. Excuse me while I roll my eyes all the way into outer space.
In the comments, people weren’t even surprised, because it truly seems like every millennial woman has experienced an almond mom of her own.
“I feel like I have an almond mom that calls me fat by calling herself overweight KNOWING i am obviously much bigger than she is… 
” one wrote.
But plenty of people wrote that their “lasagna” and “mac and cheese” moms are standing at the ready to give Rei the hug she deserves.
“I have a lasagna mom, she’ll bring you a months worth of various casserole dish meals,” one commenter offered.
Another wrote, “I have a mac & cheese mom and I’m sure she’d adopt you in a heartbeat.”
All the hugs to Rei, who should enjoy this time in peace.